3. Why Did I Give Up My Creativity for Career?

In this episode, here are a handful of topics mentioned:

02:25: Reflecting on how I stunted my creativity with career expectations

04:08: Fears about being the “starving artist”

05:44: Being ashamed of not being consistently creative

08:00: Reflect on what you put away and prepare to get it out again, regardless of medium

Virginia James [00:00:02]:
Welcome to Sapphic Rising(TM), where we embody our creative muse, our wild authenticity, and share in a little bit of rebelliousness. Hey there. It's Virginia James, and I am excited to talk with you today. It is a lovely day by the way. I live in the Pacific Northwest in the greater Seattle area and the sun is shining. It's feeling glorious. Hell, even the hummingbirds are flying around outside my office window, and it just feels fucking good. It really does.

Virginia James [00:00:33]:
So let's get into the topic today. And first of all, I just wanna say, if you enjoy more written form content, I am over on Substack as well. And actually, what I'm gonna do, just so you don't miss out on the stories here, I am going to pull the same stories and put them, in an episode here as well. So then, it's just across the board. Everyone gets the love and the wisdom. So we'll do it that way. But I wanted to share something very interesting this morning. So I need to give you a little bit of backstory.

Virginia James [00:01:05]:
I've been doing FSW for a number of years. Before that, I was in the nonprofit world in conservation. Before that, I was in academia doing more like general programmatic social work y kind of stuff. Before that, I was a clinical social worker. And before that, I was in the history and archives world. So you basically just heard the sum up of my resume in a way since I graduated, from college or university. The point is all that to be said is I have rebranded in a way FSW. I'm working in a newish direction.

Virginia James [00:01:44]:
For me, it's a very uplifting direction. And, I mean, I'll be getting into that more, you know, as we go along here. But the last few months have been I don't wanna say a slog, but they've been kind of a slog because I've been doing some deep work both personally, in business slash professionally in that way. And so when I look at the aspect of creativity, it actually makes me really sad because just this morning I was sitting there with my tea, the sun was coming up, and I and side quest, I tend to have some pre dawn musings. That's one that's my favorite time of the day is actually before the sun comes up. But, ultimately, I was sitting there with my tea and I was sipping and I was like, holy shit. I really let my creativity go. And admittedly, it's a little humbling.

Virginia James [00:02:41]:
Not gonna lie to you. But when I think about this, the reason why is because I was trying to let's oversimplify it for a second, my friend. I was trying to stay in my lane. I wanted to be of service to society. You know, all the things we're taught to grow up, get a good job, you'll retire someday, yada yada yada yada. Now, when I was younger, I took many art classes. That was that was my jam. I did also like the history classes and writing, but art classes were where I thrived.

Virginia James [00:03:20]:
Even, in at university, I took, God, took a watercolor class, which by the way, is not my favorite medium, although maybe I could learn to love it. But I took some sculpture. I think I wanted to raise my g p a from my grad program. So I took, I don't know, maybe figurative drawing, stained glass, something like that. The whole point is, over the years, I have, from a young age to a young adult age, I have worked, oh my god, with painting medium, canvases, sculpture, stained glass, like I just mentioned. I took an inter design class and then graphic design. And, so anyway, I took art class after art class. It was my thing.

Virginia James [00:04:05]:
And when I was reflecting about this this morning, I was considering what an art teacher told me. Like, maybe, like, I was good enough to to apply for art programs and maybe pursue that. But I'm gonna be honest with you. I didn't wanna be the starving artist. That was in my head. It was locked in. Maybe it's because the generation that I'm from, you know, again, you go you go get the job, you get the degrees, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. And and to be very transparent, my home life wasn't great.

Virginia James [00:04:35]:
And so I think that this this regret has always kinda trailed. Now I did you know, I made jewelry as well, around the same time I did stained glass. So, like, I didn't all I didn't just give it up completely. I also did my own drawings and paintings along the years. But do I do I regret my choice of going into, you know, the humanities and going on the trail that I told you about earlier in the episode, maybe a little bit. But the good news is today's a new day. So I have, an a craft room. We'll call it that way, art room, whatever you wanna call it.

Virginia James [00:05:13]:
But, you know, I was recently organizing stuff. I was letting things go, like fabrics that I don't use. Oh, I also do some quilting, for funds, and knitting. So, yeah, I'm all over the place. But my multipassionate person will understand this episode. But, but, basically, I was very proud of myself because I grabbed a a sketchpad. I grabbed my charcoal, my pencils. I just got them off the shelf.

Virginia James [00:05:38]:
Y'all, I haven't drawn for a while. And, yes, they even put some stuff into art shows, back in the day too. That's a funny story, actually. I'll tell you about another episode. So I got these things down, and there's this knot in my stomach. It's like, Virginia, it's been a while. It's been a while since you've done this. And then I let that voice be a little freaked, little ashamed that it took so long to circle back around, all the things.

Virginia James [00:06:06]:
And then I'll tell you what. When this day is done, I'm gonna grab the sketch pad. I'm gonna sit outside with the beautiful weather as long as it doesn't start raining. And I'm going to start sketching again. Makes me tear up. I don't know why. But this is this is just a story I wanna share in that if you've always had this little nudge within this little, we'll say nagging. This little nagging voice that says, hey.

Virginia James [00:06:36]:
Hey. Remember you gave up that thing? Maybe not a %, but you gave it up to go, you know, stay in your lane, be the nourishing person. I think I took my my cancer sun sign way too seriously over the years. I'm always the one showing up for everybody else and mothering everyone else and nurturing everyone else. Now I get to come back to me. And in art and creating different things, not just cooking to sustain my body friend or whatever, like, the this brings me the deepest of joys. So I just wanted to say this story is actually, I think, quite normal. For a lot of folk, if this resonates, please do let me know because I think we get so spun up with life.

Virginia James [00:07:24]:
We get so spun up with life in the thing, and then years go by and we're like, hot damn. Where did that hobby go? Where did that creative drive go? Where did that thing go? That, what if I could have done it? What if I wouldn't have been a starving artist? You know? So it's just something to unpack, and I will continue to unpack because the tears wanna come forward. So that means there's something there to dig into and heal and or embrace. So I just wanted to say, like, I guess if I have any tips for the end of this this story and this episode is number one, the thing that you put away either in your symbolically in your heart or your spirit, and you said, oh, I'll I'll we'll do this later. We'll do this later. Sit for a second right now with me as you listen, and sit with me and and ponder on that. What did I give up that really makes like, sings to my soul? Number two, if you're feeling a little intimidated, admittedly, I am, where's the inspiration? Like, literally, my my eye just caught a tarot card. It's the world, if that resonates for you also.

Virginia James [00:08:31]:
And there's a beautiful bee on it, on a golden sun with stars and beautiful what looks to be like magnolia, pink magnolia, petals and flowers surrounding it. And there's this golden grasshopper on the bottom. So, like, if you're feeling a little intimidated to get back in the saddle, so to speak, or back on the path, find these little bouts of inspiration, whether it's through somebody else or through something on your desk right now or something you see at the corner store. It doesn't matter. And let that draw you in. Let it embrace you. Let it feel comfortable again. And let your soul sing once again.

Virginia James [00:09:07]:
Thank you for hearing today's story. I need to put this actually on the sub stack. So here we go. We're gonna be jumping through the platforms, but let me know how this resonates for you. Let this be your sign to start again. And know you haven't wasted time. You are learning other things. You're experiential learning.

Virginia James [00:09:26]:
One zero one. That's what life is. And so come back to your sketchpad. Come back to your textiles. Pick up that ink pen. Look at that tattoo. I don't know. You know? Just look at nature.

Virginia James [00:09:41]:
See how she designs or they, excuse me. They design design themselves. Say that five times fast. And be inspired. K? Alright. We'll come back around in the next episode. And until then, I hope you have a beautiful, beautiful day and I will talk to you soon. Alright. Cheers.